Thursday, February 11, 2010

Re-evaluation of Goals!

Hello Blog Fans!! haha!

I have been absent for a few days while I figure out what to say to my blog! I had a melt down while in Arizona which caused me to re-evaluate my goals when we got home on Monday. While we had a wonderful time in Arizona, my head was constantly filled with obsessive thoughts about my diet, and gaining weight, and losing body fat, etc. Being on my period did not help this situation!! But the worst part was, I was causing everyone around me to think about what I was putting into my mouth too. I did not like that. It is so awesome that I have such a supportive family. Everyone has been totally on board with the whole figure competition thing and doing whatever they can to help me stay on track. But, I was starting to project the obsessiveness I was feeling onto others and I don't want to be that person. I don't want to be around people and all I can think about is what I am eating, and what I am going to eat next and what others are eating and then make them think about what I am eating, etc.

When I started this transformation almost one year ago, my goals were to be in the best shape of my life and to have the best 3rd degree black belt test of my life. I also said, since I'm going to have the body of a figure competitor, why not hop on stage and go for it. I was kind of thinking the weightloss/bodyfat part would be a gradual thing and the getting on stage would be the cherry on top. It is sooooo much harder than I thought. I don't want to be the person I am becoming. I don't want to obsess about food and body fat percentages. Like I have said in previous blogs, I already have a war going on in my head everyday with food and with the competition prep diet, it has only gotten worse. I am trying to get to an healthy place with my food issues. I am afraid, if I continue down this path, then come April when I no longer have Diana telling me what to do, I am going to go on a major binge.

So.....the figure competition has been taken off the table for now. I have Diana for another 11 weeks. We are getting back to the original goal of a fabulous tranformation and me being in the best shape of my life! I want to get to 15% body fat, but this will be done with a healthy, balanced diet, cardio and weights. This doesn't mean I won't continue to work hard, but the diet part is going to be more relaxed so that by the time I quit working with Diana, I have a solid hold on my issues with food and can continue to live an healthy, balanced life style.

It was kind of funny on Monday, when I made the decision that I didn't want to do the figure competition any more, I still ate the competition diet that day because I didn't know what else to eat. I have only been on the diet for 4 weeks but it has become so much of my life that I couldn't remember how I was eating before. Then the excitement set in that I don't have to do that and so I have eaten a couple of the meals I have been dreaming about! French toast, tacos, chips and salsa, etc. So, back to a more healthy, balanced diet today! I got all of that out of my system!

It was hard for me to let this goal go at first. I am used to setting goals and reaching them. But, it's okay. That's the fun part about life is that we can make choices about how we live it and we can change our minds and make different choices. I am not saying that I will never do a figure competition. There are a lot of them. So, when I get my body fat down, I will revisit the competition thing. But the whole needing to get to 10% body fat in the next 11 weeks was making me a crazy person and I don't like that. It would be nice to get to a place where it would only take me 6 weeks to get ready for a competition. I think I could do that. I did the diet for 4 weeks, I think I could have done 2 more weeks, but the thought that I had 11 more weeks of this sent me over the edge!!

So that is where I am. I think I will keep this blog and keep the title the same. Like I said, I am not completely over the thought of competing, my journey is just going to take a little longer!!

4 comments:

  1. I think you have an awesome outlook on this. I'm happy you realized youself that it was not a good mental spot for you to be in with all the stress and obsessing. And my GOD look how far you have come in just ONE YEAR. I was thinking about this this morning actually on the way to work. I was wondering what your goals were back in early 2009 when you started your personal training and now I know. You are going to KICK ASS at that 3rd black belt test!!
    You should come to Jazzercise with me sometime :)

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  2. I'm so proud of you. It takes a strong person to live the lifestyle that you've been living in the past few months. It takes a stronger person to know that maybe it just isn't time to live that lifestyle yet. That there are better ways of doing it. You are a beautiful person Stacy and I am so incredibly proud of you (and jealous because whoa, hotness) and I just want you to know that I'm going to continue to follow this blog.

    Congratulations. You already kick ass. :)

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  3. WHEW! You have accomplished so much more than any of us could have done, in such a short time! You have to be proud of yourself for that! You look absolutely great! So what, if your final goal changed! You succeeded many, many goals along the way! Rest and relax your body! You and it, deserve it!

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